Hippo Sized Hypocrites

You know whats the problem these days ?? We are hypocrites. All of us have two faces and which one we show up depends completely on our convenience. The definition of good or bad changes from time to time to justify our actions. We say something and do something else.

Grownup's hypocrisy

One day I was at my friend's house and I unknowingly stepped on a newspaper that was lying on the floor. My friend came running, took the paper and chanted a prayer or something and turning to me said "Vidya(knowledge) hai yaar,respect it." I was completely blown away by hearing this. I was like "Woww man ..you are the ultimate sanskaari beta." I was highly inspired so started doing the same thinking that this was how he got good marks ...by respecting vidya. A few days later I was again in his house. I was playing with Timmy (pet dog) when Timmy recieved the call of nature.As Timmy was just a pup and had not been trained he popped some poop within the house.Now guess what my sanskaari friend did. He brought  a couple of newspapers to clean it. A few days back this guy was scolding me for stepping on a newspaper and now he is using the same newspaper to wipe off his dog's shit.

Age old hypocrisy

Aam Aadmi hypocrisy 

Recently a lot of talk has been going on about intolerance. So I thought of introspecting intolerance on an individual level rather than on a societal level. After thinking for a while I am convinced that we are intolerant at an individual level too. We are so intolerant that we have assigned our left hand to wipe our asses after relieving ourselves, whereas the privilege of feeding us is exclusively given to our right hand. From our childhood we have been taught to give things (especially money) with our right hand. Whenever you get into a new house you should put your right foot forward. While applying tilak or making the sign of the cross we should always use our right hand. That means for ages we have considered our left side to be inferior to our right. Huhh... and we call ourselves tolerant.

Grownups are spitting paan here and there while discussing about the Swachh Bharat initiatives. Children are throwing chocolate wrappers out on the road and are writing big big essays on cleanliness. People are paying bribe for everything -For a license ,for a passport and even for a seat in the train.All this while frowning over Vyapam,2G,coal block etc. In India ,people don't stop at red light. Training a black cat to cross the road at specified intervals is more effective.

Government wala hypocrisy

Well, I am a hypocrite myself . I have been lecturing you all about hypocrisy for so long but the truth is I needed a spell check to realise the correct spelling of hypocrisy. Too much 'gyan' for the day .So for now I will stop here.

Santa on a motorbike

Just to clarify , the Santa mentioned in the title of the post does not refer to the one in Santa Banta jokes. So don't hesitate to read on ,its not one of those PJs.Rather the Santa I referred to was the wholesale gifts dealer from the north pole.

This post is for all those hunky punky riders who are ripping the streets with their engine's grunt and screeching tyres. This post is to tell them that they can be a Santa on a motorbike giving away small packets of happiness.The catch here is that you don't have to be fat ,neither would you have to borrow that red dress nor that beard...and the best part is that you can be an "agent of happiness" throughout the year and not just the Christmas season.
Wondering how?? Well, I have put down a few ways ..Let me know if you have more.

1.
The first thing that you have to always keep in mind is that you weren't born with a pair of wheels. You were a pedestrian first and then only a biker.So respect pedestrians.Next time when you see a mother trying to cross the road with her kids ,use your heart and those brakes. Splashing water puddles is fun but please please don't do it when somebody is standing near that puddle .I know there are a few  idiotic pedestrians out there but then bear with them .You can't be Santa if you don't learn to forgive.

2.
Nothing is more charming than seeing a 10 year old on a bike with his dad.So how can you bring an even bigger smile on that kids face. Here's the trick. Gently overtake the dad-son pair giving them a hint that you were racing with them .The kid will be a bit upset and dad will accelerate to catch up because he doesn't want to let down his son. Thats when you need to gently slow down and let them overtake you.The kid will be brimming with happiness and making all sorts of faces at you because his dad just defeated you.Even though you lost you will have a special kind of satisfaction , the satisfaction of making a dad a superhero in the eyes of his son. Trust me , not all races are meant  to be won.

3.
Riding alone ?? No one in your pillion seat ?? Why don't you give a lift to someone ?? Heyy wait there 's a kid with a 10 tonne bag hanging from his shoulder. Wouldn't it be nice of you to drop him by his house.By giving him a lift you will help him save Rs2 of  his bus fare and with that he might buy a poppins.You see how it works, your ride has bought him poppins and also helped him avoid the rush in the bus... RIDE + POPPINS.. you just made that kids day.

4.
Often while riding along National Highways you come across lots of mini buses with kids going for tours.They are super excited and wave at everyone on the road but no one usually respond to their waving.One day I waved at them .That simple gesture made them very happy,so happy that everyone in the bus started shouting "Bye Cheta , Bye Cheta" .From that day I make it a point that I wave back at kids .

5.
I know many of you guys have super bikes . You park it in a stand and a lot people ,especially kids, come to admire your bike. Some may even ask to have a photograph or two .Don't be a jackass and chase them away. Allow them to have a snap . The flash  of their cameras isn't going to damage your bike .If possible gift them a short ride on your bike's pillion seat.Its every kids dream to be seated on a Ninja,CBR,Bullet etc .

I know these are very small things but the smile that it brings to people around you is priceless .

We Fall To Rise Up Higher

My  deepest condolences to all those who have come to this post reading the title and thinking that this might be a motivational post on success and failure . This ain't any of those motivational shit where people tell you stories of spiders climbing the wall or ants lifting heavy loads. If its your exam season and you have come by to get a dose of motivation then I am sorry to disappoint you.

So whats this post  all about.Well, nothing much .Its just about the first fall I had on my new bike .Hmmm... The story goes like this..
It was a bright Sunday noon and after spending an awesome weekend with my dad I packed my bag as I had my classes scheduled the next day .I wanted to stay a few more days but then i thought that the professors would miss my sleepy face at the last bench,so I decided to leave ... and yeah , attendance shortage was also a reason .So after filling my tummy with some Dosas and having done all the goodbye formalities ,I hopped onto my bike. Pulled my anchor , shifted the gear and off I went onto the bumpy roads of my hometown. Riding carefully with my eyes popping out of the helmet in search of road in between those potholes I finally reached main road. The ride was much smoother on the main road.

I was gliding along when I saw this kid with a school bag asking for a lift. I stopped and asked him to hop over. I enquired him why was he carrying a school bag on a Sunday and he told me that he was returning from  tuition . He was a talkative fellow but I enjoyed listening to him . Finally we reached his house .I dropped him there and he thanked me with a generous smile.This place is just 2 Kms from the place where I had fallen.I am thankful to God that the kid was not there on the pillion seat when I fell.

Riding along I reached this place called 'Poochakunnu'(In Malayalam 'poocha' means cat and 'kunnu' means hill ). There was this private bus in front of me .It was blazing through that narrow road at a very  high speed .It made me wonder whether the driver had missed his loo in the morning and was desperate to reach the toilet.I wouldn't blame him for the high speed if thats the case. After some high speed driving the bus stopped at a bus stop to load and unload. I thought it was the right time to overtake the bus so I checked for any vehicle coming from the opposite side and proceeded. Barely had I reached half the length of the bus an auto rickshaw popped out of nowhere . That element of surprise did me in.The disc and the drums came into action and soon I was sliding along the road like Amir Khan in Dhoom 3 ,but less stylishly . Thud... Takk ... BOOM ... *puff of dust*.. and just like that everything was over.I went blank for a couple of seconds and when my senses came back I saw a big bus tyre. I looked up into heaven only to  see strange faces staring at me from the bus window.The auto driver was busy hurling abuses at me as if it was all my mistake .Sitting there I also started giving him a mouthful . Mine had more variety , Hindi + Malayalam . The bus driver was utterly confused .He didn't know whose side to take or I guess he was more concerned to go to the loo .So he asked the bystanders to take me to the roadside so that the bus can move . 5 Uncles came and took me to the roadside teashop. They were really nice guys.Nothing less than angels at the time of calamity.They offered me a seat ,helped me wash my wounds and applied turmeric on it.We had a light chat for about 20 minutes and then I decided to leave. They advised me to go home but I didn't.I made up my mind to ride 70 odd Kms to my college hostel.

Thats my expression when I saw the auto rickshaw.

and this one is when I was sliding.

and finally this is me after the fall.

On my way I made a pit stop at a bike workshop and got my bike fixed .Luckily the bike had only minor repairable damages.As for me I bought some cotton and and dressed the wound on my elbow.By that time the adrenaline rush was long gone and I started to feel the pain.Thats when I realized that I had other  injuries too.My shoulder was paining a lot and my knee had quite a few scratches. All in all a bad day but could have been worse so lets be optimistic.

When I look back I realize that it wasn't my body that had suffered the most from that accident,rather it was my wardrobe. My favourite jeans injured itself on the knee and my new shirt laid down its life in that fall.*One minute silence for my shirt and jeans.*

"Friday , ചരക്കുകള്‍ ഒക്കെ അടിപൊളി ആയിരിക്കും ( charakkukalokke adipoli aayirikyum) "

Wondering who said the above quote ??? Well every FISATian knows it . It was none other than Sreenath Bhasi when he came to FISAT for the inauguration of Arangu 2014. If I be true to you guys I wasn't aware of such a figure in malayalam cinema .But after his short cameo at Arangu inauguration I must say " Machaane you are awesome."
FISAT is the same college where Mr. Bhasi had come seeking admission and was rejected a few years back .And now look at him , standing there with all those grey haired dignitaries and his huge poster in the background .Must be an awesomefeeling when the Principal who rejected you a few years back , escorts you onto the stage and claps when you light the lamp.

Whenever I see this photo one of the foremost things that comes to my mind is 'the generation gap' . Look at Bhasi. I like the way he is dressed . A kind of protest to the age old notion of wearing pant and shirt to inauguration ceremonies. His blue full sleeves tshirt ,rough jeans accompanied by those black boots definitely sets him apart from all others on stage. The bearded Bhasi seems to suggest that you don't have to be clean shaved to be  the chief  guest of an event

Lets just take our eyes off Bhasi and have a look at other dignitaries present  on stage .You will notice one thing thats common in all of them . They are wearing nicely ironed pants ..and shirts dipped in Ujala Stiff n Shine .The pants are so loose you might confuse it with a mundu .And the belt is trying hard to keep their bellies under control. Most of them have taken time from their busy schedule to dye their hair ,but alas they don't look younger.

I don't have the slightest of problem to the way they dress.Maybe thats what suits them and are comfortable in . But I have every bit of problem when they try to impose their dressing style on us .Ohhh...Come on..Thats not how you close in on the generation gap.
Uniform is an integral part of every FISATian . Green pant and grayish shirts (may vary for hostellers as we rarely wash 'em) and a black tag around our neck .The tag is the most annoying part of the uniform .It makes you feel as if you are a dog tied to the college campus. The other day I had to get some documents attested so I rode some 80 odd kms from my house to the college under the brightly shining sun but when I reached outside the principal's office I was greeted with a long lecture .Apparently I wasn't wearing my uniform.
The college administration displayed their height of stupidity when they banned tshirts from Arangu 2014 . Past years were colourfull with each branch having its distinct tshirt .The creativity on those tshirts were worth noticing. Many branches had ordered tshirts this  time around too but just 2 days before Arangu a notice was read and all hopes of wearing tshirt were gone. Even after so many days I am still thinking of a possible reason for this step taken by the college administration.At the same time there's a fear haunting me . Will they ban jeans for the next year's Arangu.If thats the case then I will be left with no other choice than to borrow formal pants from the Dean himself. He seems to be having a lot of pants. I guess he wouldn't mind lending me one for a couple of days.

It was because of all these reasons that Sreenath Bhasi's dressing style caught my eye . The Chief Guest was wearing the stuff that the college administration didn't want the students to wear .How cool is that...thats how you make a statement through your dress and for that matter Mr. Bhasi deserves all credit.Not only was his dresscode unique but the words coming out of his mouth were also interesting.My personal favourite is the part where he embarrassed the college dignitaries for refusing him admission. Sreenath urging the principal to allow one day for colour dress was also a masterpiece. The frankness with which he spoke appealed to the audience. Thats what I like the most about artists. They don't give a damn to who's listening to them .They just speak their heart out.  

The White Liquid

First things first , I am not a milk lover and this article would be hard to digest for all those die hard milk lovers. So if you have been listed below please refrain from reading this piece.
Yadav uncle
Chintu Mithaiwala
MILKha Singh/Farhaan  Akhtar
Amul lovers and followers of Kurian dynasty
The Doodhwala Community
And all others whose  day is incomplete without a glass of milk and that includes my brother too.

I have done my bit. Warning has been issued.Its not my fault if you read on and get offended.

        All copyright resides with respective holders ... I just copied it from google images ..ignore the neck of the cow

'MILK' is one such 4 letter word which drives a hell lot of people crazy  and I must say that India does have a major chunk of those milk lovers. As for me  I belong to the minority,the group of milk haters. I still remember those endless nights with mummy running behind me with a glass of milk . I  would rather credit my mother than that  glass of milk for my athletic abilities.Generally speaking I have a very bad sense of smell but I don't know why I could  catch the smell of the union of milk and Complan with  ease. Mummy pours  milk into the glass and within no time I am already hiding under the sofa or bed . That's how much I hated this white liquid. The odd times when mummy used to get hold of me I would clip my nose and drink all of it in one go. Then rush to the kitchen and eat 2 teaspoon of sugar.It was milk that taught me that blocking  my nose would reduce my sense of taste.By the time I entered my later part of teenage I completely stopped consuming milk. 

That's my relation with this 'Amrith' . But there is another species and I call them 'ml' (milk lovers) . These ml are known for consuming milk in litres. Glasses ain't  their thing , what they are interested in are jugs of milk. Talking of jugs of milk how can I not drag in the Punjabis. Punjabis are the only people in the world who share an equal love  for milk and alcohol. I won't be surprised if they find out a way to mix milk and alcohol.
Haven't you all seen the movie Bhaag MILKha Bhaag .Truly MILKha Singh is a super man.The way Farhaan gulps in all those milk is one of the greatest  stunts I have ever seen . I have heard that MILKha Singh's coach would  award him  a glass of milk at the finish line , but if 'Bhaag Cheta Bhaag' was ever  to be filmed I bet my coach would have to place milk at the starting point as I am more used to running away from milk.

Lets leave the Punjabis alone for sometime and let them have their glass .. eerrr.. jug of milk . In the mean time lets see the SUHAAG RAAT issue. This custom where the bride brings in milk for the 'suhaag raat' has been haunting people like me for ages.  They say milk  and haldi gives you  strength to start of your married life . True that bridegroom needs a lot  of strength to withstand his wife but ain't there other stuffs that give strength..hmm.. like 'Aloo ke Parathe' ...And if you say milk is used as a symbol of romance then I have just one question for all those milk lovers out there..  Don't you guys think that a bottle of wine would be a more romantic choice??  Well , I can say one thing for sure ,if my wife comes in with a glass of milk on the 'suhaag raat' I would get my divorce papers ready the next morning. (Just kidding... shaadi k baad toh biwi ka hi raj chalta hai ... sookhi roti bhi de toh khana hi padega :)

But whatever I say , my love for milk products exceeds my hatred for raw milk . Be it the cheese  on pizzas or the ghee on paranthas . Who would want to miss out on a delicious paneer dish or the milk sweets. When I was a kid I dearly wished that the 'Gau matha' would directly give us 'kheer' or 'lassi' .Oh ...mmmm... my mouths watering like anything.It would be better if I stop here .I guess my keyboard can't bear any more saliva showers.  


NOTE:   Competitors of Amul have not given me any money .... neither have the producers of Bhaag Milkha Bhaag.